About Me

WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!?

Just a 35 year old computer games programmer from Nottingham with a wife and three kids. Not an industry legend. Just an average bloke steadily getting better at this with every passing year.

WHY AM I HERE?

No idea. Maybe you googled the phrase "Thomas the Wank Engine" and found this page. You're probably in the wrong place.

CAN YOU HELP ME?

I don't know. What is it you want?

YOU REALISE YOU'RE TALKING TO YOURSELF DON'T YOU?

Yes. It's late and I'm bored and the Steam Sale hasn't started yet.

WHY DON'T YOU PLAY ONE OF THE 50 GAMES YOU BOUGHT LAST YEAR AND HAVEN'T PLAYED YET?

Jeez, give me a break. You're not the boss of me.

CAN YOU MAKE ME A WEBSITE?

Yes. For the right price and a sweet word to my wife.

HOW DO I GET IN TOUCH WITH YOU?

Send an owl. Alternatively .

ONE LAST QUESTION...

That's not a question.